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Sahil Bloom15 June 2023

9 Systems To Build A Life Of Abundance - Sahil Bloom

7Frameworks
15Insights

Frameworks in this episode

Insights & moments

The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.

Myth Buster· 1

Myth Buster08:00

"Systems" for relationships isn't robotic — it's a misnomer

Bloom addresses the recurring objection that systematising relationships makes them mechanical. He argues 'systems' is a misnomer that makes people picture becoming robots, when what he actually means is little heuristics and shortcuts that save time and energy. Ali extends the point: nobody objects to writing birthdays in a calendar, which is itself systematising a relationship. Ali keeps a list of people he wants to stay in touch with in Apple Notes, and consulting it before a dinner party reminded him to invite a friend he'd have otherwise forgotten. Bloom keeps a little black book of five people he knows in each city he travels to, since LinkedIn becomes useless for this at scale.

The systematizing relationships thing does really bother some people. Um and I'm just a big believer that like systems is actually a misnomer.

Sahil Bloom · 08:00

It's like finding little heuristics, shortcuts, ways to save yourself time and energy that make your life easier in some way.

Sahil Bloom · 08:30

Hot Take· 2

Hot Take47:30

"Hustle in my 20s so I can chill in my 30s" is a mirage

Bloom accepts the case for hard early work but rejects the promise people attach to it. The people who say they'll hustle now and spend time with their kids later mostly won't: you arrive in your 30s on a track at McKinsey or a bank or in medicine, you've made your first million and now want three, and the career's gravity has increased along with golden handcuffs from lifestyle creep. The half-million salary feels insufficient because the apartment, the tax rate and the thousand-a-month car came with it. So the plan slips to 40 — by which point, he argues, the kids are 10, have friends of their own, and the 'magic years' from zero to 10, when you are their favourite person in the world, are gone.

The problem is the people that say like, "I'm going to hustle in my 20s so that I can chill and spend time with my…

Sahil Bloom · 47:30

And then you get to 40 and maybe you are ready to chill, but your kids don't want to hang out with you anymore cuz…

Sahil Bloom · 48:30
Hot Take1:13:00

Be a guide, not a guru — share questions, not answers

Bloom rejects the teacher label for both of them: he feels he's learning things and sharing what he learns along the way, and says it on his profile because it means something. His bet is that he never has to give anyone answers, because nobody can hand you the five steps to a successful life — your definition of success and what motivates you will differ from his. What he can do is help people ask better questions and give them tools, frameworks and systems for wrestling with them. He credits this shift toward questions and struggle over answers and accomplishment with keeping him excited and giving the work longevity. Ali offers his writing coach's version: guide versus guru, or even a fellow stumbling traveller.

I actually don't feel like either of us, and I certainly don't feel for myself, that that I'm a teacher. I feel like I'm learning…

Sahil Bloom · 1:13:00

What I can do is help you ask the right questions, and give you tools, give you frameworks, give you systems for asking those questions…

Sahil Bloom · 1:13:30

Explainer· 6

Explainer11:00

Parkinson's Law: why unbounded email ate every gap in the day

Bloom explains that before he blocked time for email he simply emailed all day — popping it open, shooting some off, closing it, doing a little work, popping back in. The result was that every liminal moment (between calls, between meetings, between deep work) was consumed by email like a sponge-like creature he wasn't limiting. What he lost wasn't just efficiency but the breaks themselves: the creative thoughts, the conversation with his wife, the playtime with his son. Taking advantage of Parkinson's Law by deliberately shrinking and forcing activities into small windows is what he credits with unlocking his creativity '100x'. Ali makes the parallel argument that pre-scheduled date nights increase rather than reduce spontaneity.

Parkinson's law, the idea that work expands to fill the time allotted for its completion

Sahil Bloom · 11:00

Once I started taking advantage of Parkinson's Law and actually shrinking and forcing the time for those activities into little windows, creating a real system…

Sahil Bloom · 12:00
Explainer18:00

Harvard's 80-year study: relationship satisfaction at 50 predicts health at 80

Bloom cites the Harvard Study of Adult Development, a longitudinal study running 80-plus years, for the finding that the single greatest predictor of health at age 80 is relationship satisfaction at age 50. He uses it to justify a personal priority: caring deeply about building and fostering deep relationships, valuing depth over pure breadth, and preferring in-person contact. It's the explicit reason he flew to London to do this interview face-to-face rather than over Zoom — he says there is no replacement for in-person interaction when it comes to actually building and fostering relationships.

The single greatest predictor of health at age 80 is relationship satisfaction at age 50. The Harvard study of adult development found that longitudinal study…

Sahil Bloom · 18:00

I don't think there's any replacement for in-person interaction with people in terms of actually building and fostering relationships.

Sahil Bloom · 17:30
Explainer1:03:00

Financial security vs financial confidence

Ali describes a reframe he picked up from a Dan Koe and Dickie Bush conversation. Financial security — a 4% withdrawal rate, a couple of million in the S&P 500 — is what he'd been chasing, and he never felt it, because the safety net always needed to be bigger. Financial confidence instead means knowing that regardless of what happens, he has the skills to make money again, because he knows how to build a business. Since switching, he says he's moved away from scarcity thinking about sponsor deadlines and videos he feels obliged to film. He extends it to a 'skeleton crew' calculation: he plus an assistant and an editor could likely make a million a year, and failing that he'd go back to coding as an indie developer.

rather than financial security, financial confidence

Ali Abdaal · 1:03:00

But since I started thinking in more in terms of financial confidence, it's more about regardless of what happens, I have the skills needed to…

Ali Abdaal · 1:03:00
Explainer1:36:00

Default alive vs default dead, applied to your own life

Bloom borrows Paul Graham's startup test — if you stopped growing, would you eventually run out of money? — and applies it personally. He isn't materialistic: no watch beyond a cheap running watch and a Whoop band, no interest in cars, no jewellery or bags in the household. He does like nice experiences and flying first class, but doesn't have to. So if everything went wrong, he reckons he and his wife could stay solvent almost in perpetuity, and says he could 'be a cockroach if I needed to'. Ali reaches the same conclusion via a skeleton-crew exercise, and both describe the same payoff: separating your baseline survival from your growth lets you enjoy the growth instead of fearing its end.

And so I do think it's like Paul Graham had this essay of like default alive versus default dead.

Sahil Bloom · 1:36:00

If we stop growing, if like the channel stops growing in your case or if businesses stop growing, product stop growing, selling, you not doing…

Sahil Bloom · 1:36:30
Explainer1:17:30

Three buckets of mental wealth — and the 50% loneliness stat

Bloom splits the mental column of his scoreboard into three. Mental wellness: working on things that light you up — he cites a friend who made perhaps a hundred million by 30, retired, started gardening and drove himself nuts. Mental fitness: decision-making, learning, cutting through noise, accumulating knowledge to make better decisions, which he credits Shane Parrish's Farnam Street with teaching him. Mental health: mindfulness, spirituality, and contending with meaning and purpose — the piece men have traditionally neglected. He notes he'd never have discussed mental health in a locker room ten years ago despite teammates struggling, and cites a stat that 50% of men don't feel they have a single friend to open up to.

The second one is like what I call men- mental fitness, which is decision making, you know, learning and growth

Sahil Bloom · 1:18:30

I saw this stat recently that 50% of men don't feel like they have a single friend that they can open up to about vulnerable…

Sahil Bloom · 1:20:00
Explainer1:28:00

Removing friction removed the stories that make a life interesting

Prompted by Ali asking whether he should only film videos when he feels like it, Bloom argues that a life containing only things you're excited to do lacks texture — the tension and struggle are part of what creates meaning. He extends this to a cultural observation: technology has consistently reduced friction across our whole lifetime. You needn't go to the store, needn't talk to anyone, needn't risk approaching someone at a bar when an app lets you pre-verify mutual interest. But friction was what generated the funny stories. He wonders whether our lives will be less interesting than our parents' and grandparents', comparing his mother's and grandmother's childhoods in India to kids now on phones and under constant supervision.

friction. We've lived in this world where friction has been consistently reduced over our entire lifetime. Technology has just reduced the amount of friction in…

Sahil Bloom · 1:28:00

I don't think you would find incredible meaning in a life where you only did things that you were like super excited to do.

Sahil Bloom · 1:27:30

Story· 1

Story18:30

"You're going to see them 15 more times before they die"

A friend asked Bloom how many times a year he saw his parents. The answer was maybe once. The friend's reply — so you'll see them 15 more times before they die — landed like a punch in the gut. Bloom describes the terror of that number being countable, almost on two hands, for people he felt as close to as his parents. Within 45 days he and his wife sold their house in California, moved back to the East Coast and bought a house in the New York area to be near both sets of parents. He now sees them at least twice a month, his son has grandparents in his life, and he calls the 'nothing moments' of just hanging out irreplaceable.

maybe once. And he said, okay, so you're going to see them 15 more times before they die. And I remember hearing that and feeling…

Sahil Bloom · 19:00

moved back across to the East Coast, and bought a house in the New York area so that we could be closer to our parents

Sahil Bloom · 19:30

Q&A· 1

Q&A1:30:30

Do the numbers still ruin your day? Both admit they have

Bloom asks Ali whether views and engagement affect his mood, and confesses his own pattern: something he'd spent time on underperforms, he's in a bad mood, he's not present with his wife or son; then something does well and he's chipper. He had to have a come-to-Jesus talk with himself about it. Ali says he's currently in a phase where he barely checks — he sometimes only notices a video is live from the comments — but concedes that's easy while the channel is growing faster than ever, and that a decline would trigger existential crises and CBT-ing himself out of the fear. He relays Casey Neistat-style advice from Louis Cole: after ten years, it's just a sine wave, so stop caring about the sine wave.

I've at times like allowed it to truly impact my day and my mood of like something that I did or spent a bunch of…

Sahil Bloom · 1:31:00

And so I do I do sometimes think of that phrase that it's it's just a sine wave. It's just It's just the way it…

Ali Abdaal · 1:33:00

Tool· 2

Tool14:30

The weekly friend call: one deliberate check-in every week

Bloom's friendship system, new for 2023: reach out to one person every single week. He distinguishes it sharply from networking, which he associates with the finance-world Rolodex culture and its transactional nature. The premise is that there are perhaps 20, 30 or 40 people who have genuinely impacted your life, those friendships atrophy easily when you don't share a city, and everyone is guilty of letting it happen because life takes over. The counter is a forcing function: it's easy to find 10 minutes on a walk to text or call someone with 'hey, was thinking of you'. He notes calls often go unanswered and turn into texts, which still start the conversation.

there is, you know, maybe 20, 30, 40 people in your life that are friends that, you know, you feel have impacted you and will…

Sahil Bloom · 16:00

this is one of my new things from 2023 is I'm trying to do that at least once a week. Just call someone, and just…

Sahil Bloom · 16:30
Tool1:21:00

The 4:30am cold plunge as mind control and gratitude practice

Bloom has never managed daily meditation; the cold plunge is his substitute. He treats any physical benefits as pure upside and views it as a purely mental activity: at 4:30am, in the pitch black, out of a warm bed and onto a freezing deck, the mental gymnastics start — I don't need to do this, it'd be better later. Overriding that is the point. Doing what you said you'd do accrues evidence that you're a disciplined person, creating momentum that bleeds into everything else. It's voluntary struggle as preparation for involuntary struggle. Sitting in the water, he also runs his gratitude practice, listing what he's grateful for while his body screams, forcing one slow moment before the day's chaos.

I view it as a purely mental activity where I wake up first thing in the morning and I have to exert a degree of…

Sahil Bloom · 1:21:30

And so I do that every single morning as a way to just like get uncomfortable and take on some level of voluntary struggle so…

Sahil Bloom · 1:22:30

Takeaway· 2

Takeaway20:00

Friends come in seasons — and shedding a shell is allowed

Bloom draws a line between parents (finite, irreplaceable, worth relocating for) and friends, where he thinks the calculus differs. Your life has seasons and multiple acts; neither you nor your friends stay the same person throughout. Some friends fit one season and won't be there in the next, and that's fine — he has high school friends he's no longer close to whom he still considers lovely people. Continuing to jam in relationships where neither person develops the other he views as actively bad. The image is a hermit crab shedding its shell. Pressed by Ali on whether every friendship must be 'developmental', Bloom broadens it: a friend who helps him let loose is developing him too.

there are some friends who are great fit for one season of your life and aren't going to be there in the next one, and…

Sahil Bloom · 20:00

I just want to be around people who push me to be slightly better than I was at whatever it is.

Sahil Bloom · 21:30
Takeaway1:42:30

"Never let your quest for more distract you from the beauty of enough"

Asked for parting wisdom after a two-and-a-half hour conversation, Bloom offers a single line he says ties together most of what they discussed: never let your quest for more distract you from the beauty of enough. It closes the loops on the moving financial milestone, the mirage of the next promotion, the deferred trip and the retirement that never arrives — all of which are versions of the quest for more crowding out something already present. He repeats it verbatim and ends there.

My only piece of parting wisdom cuz I think it relates to a lot of things we've said is never let your quest for more…

Sahil Bloom · 1:42:30