Language of Choice
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 6
- Confidence
- —
Another method Partaker takes from Neil Fiore. The words should and have to are what Fiore calls the language of oppression. Used internally they create a personality split, with a parental authority figure inside your head instructing a child version of you, and any oppressed party eventually rebels. That rebellion shows up as procrastination. The fix is to replace should and have to with the language of choice, in either direction: I am choosing to write this now, or I am choosing not to write it right now and to do this instead. Both restore agency. The second half of the method swaps the object of the sentence too, from finishing to starting, because resistance attaches to beginning rather than to the whole task.
Origin
Extracted from Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal
How to run it
- 1
Catch the should
Notice the internal sentences: I should be doing this, I have to finish that. They usually run in the background while you are doing something else.
- 2
Recognise what it produces
Understand the mechanism. The parental voice creates resistance, and resistance typically manifests as procrastination, so the should is generating the very avoidance it is trying to fix.
Watch out Piling on more shoulds when you are already avoiding something reliably makes the avoidance worse.
- 3
Rewrite it as a choice
Replace the sentence with I choose to, and be willing to choose either way. Choosing not to work on the book right now is a legitimate output of this step.
Pro tip The point is operating with agency and a sense of control, not forcing a particular decision.
- 4
Swap finishing for starting
Change I have to finish into I choose to start. The resistance is attached to beginning, not to the whole piece of work.
- 5
Choose to start for five minutes
Ali's version of the same rule: commit to starting for five minutes only. In his experience the 300 seconds pass unnoticed and he is already in the zone.
- 6
Let finishing take care of itself
Keep focusing on continually starting. Partaker's claim is that the finishing then handles itself and the whole thing feels far less overwhelming.
Watch out Do not let the saboteur convince you the painful part is the entire task. It is only the initial push.
In the wild
While writing his book, Ali carried a constant spectre at the back of his mind. Whatever he was doing, the voice said he should be writing the book right now because it is the most important thing. Even while working on the business he felt he should be on the book instead. His advice to another author, months later, was to take it less seriously: he was not writing in those moments anyway, so weighing himself down with the should served nobody. Either he would do it or he would choose not to.
→ Replacing the should with an explicit choice removes the guilt overhead without changing what actually gets written.
Common mistakes
Using choice language while still coercing
Saying I choose to while meaning I have to keeps the parental split intact. The method only works if choosing not to do the thing right now is genuinely available as an answer.
Committing to finish instead of to start
A commitment to finish loads the whole task onto the moment of beginning, which is exactly where resistance lives. Partaker and Ali agree the skill is generating momentum, and an object in motion stays in motion.
From the transcript
“that's um you know another thing that I picked up from Neil um you know he he calls that language of Oppression”
“instead if you replace that language of Oppression with you know language of choice and choose whatever you want so I'm choosing to not write…”
“so instead of I should be or I have to finish I choose to start”
From the episode
Confronting my CEO coach - Eric Partaker
Eric Partaker