Myth Buster05:30
Playing hard to get is the cheap version of challenge
“that's a cheap way to create challenge because the problem with hard to get is you can't keep it up forever”
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Matthew Hussey08 June 2023
Bonus Episode - The Science of Attraction: Why You’ve Not Met Someone - Matthew Hussey
5Frameworks
15Insights
Frameworks in this episode
Self-Mastery6 steps
Sustaining Desire in a Long-Term Relationship
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Influence6 steps
The Four Components of Lasting Attraction
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Strategy5 steps
The Four Stages of Relationship Importance
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Communication5 steps
The Modern Handkerchief (Small-Favour Opener)
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Communication5 steps
Two-Hit Theory
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Insights & moments
The myth-busts, hot takes, explainers, and tools worth keeping.
Myth Buster· 3
Myth Buster19:00
"Nice guy" and "bad boy" are lazy labels that limit who you date
“this idea of labeling someone a nice person is um or labeling someone the bad boy why what because they didn't call you for three…”
“if you took time to actually get to know somebody”
Myth Buster28:30
"If he doesn't approach you, he isn't interested" is wrong
“it basically said if a guy isn't coming over to you then he's he's not interested”
“I wonder how many women are only ever meeting the loudest guy in the room”
Hot Take· 2
Hot Take21:30
Social proof keeps people in relationships that make them miserable
“they show off their their partner and their oh my God he's so tall handsome and successful look at you good job and they're miserable…”
“so we have to be careful of the outside conditioning”
Hot Take25:30
Be an album, not one great song
“what we get validated for we keep doing if you're funny you keep being funny if you're successful you keep acquiring more success”
“you can't be you can't be one great song you have to be an album like every everyone has to be an album”
Explainer· 5
Explainer04:00
Why chemistry lives in movement, not photographs
“you were there you saw how they move how they smile how they gesture how they their micro Expressions”
Explainer22:00
Are you labelling anxiety as attraction? The trauma-bond trap
“am I labeling this trauma and this heightened sense of anxiety that I have around you because you're fickle and you never make me feel…”
“why is it why why are they getting more attractive the less they try”
Explainer24:30
Unique pairings: two qualities that create a 3D effect
“a unique pairing is when you find two different qualities that are both attractive but on their own can be a bit too dimensional but…”
Explainer27:00
Christopher Hitchens: don't let your advantages negate themselves
“Christopher Hitchens uh once said that the key in relationships is not allowing your advantages to negate themselves”
“it's worth everyone asking what are what are the strengths I've been riding on and where have they become my my greatest weaknesses”
Explainer49:30
The honeymoon phase ends when you actually see each other
“the honeymoon period is a couple of things firstly it's thinking we're perfect I think you're perfect you think I'm perfect and that just feels…”
“now you have a real relationship where we actually see each other and say I'm still here even though I really see you”
Story· 2
Story17:00
The women who gave ten years to a man who was never on their path
“I have watched women get to their 40s where they just gave up 10 years of their life to a guy that was never giving…”
Story26:30
"It got boring" — the ex who explained why ambition wasn't enough
“she said it got boring she said you were so ambitious and that was really really attractive at first but then it was all you…”
Q&A· 1
Q&A18:00
Is attraction a choice? Mr Right versus Mr Exciting
“can I nudge my deep core into being attracted to the nice guy or the whatever”
“I think that to an extent we Chase what we know”
Takeaway· 2
Takeaway23:30
Stop over-indexing for chemistry — value deep peace over the high
“if you start valuing kind of a a real sense of deep peace over the kind of drug-fueled high then you are going to start…”
“the greatest High isn't the thing that will make you the happiest sustainably”
Takeaway53:00
Love is a skill, not an accident
“we're not born knowing how to create love and create long-lasting relationships it is definitely your skill and it's a skill that we can absolutely…”