Self-Compassion for Procrastination
Beat procrastination by being kind to yourself, not harder on yourself
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~weeks to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 82%
Because procrastination is driven by difficult emotions, anything that adds fresh negative emotion, guilt, shame or harsh self-talk, makes it worse. Self-compassion counters this by responding to the struggle with kindness rather than criticism, recognising that failing to get things right first time is part of being human, and keeping the negative feelings in a mindful, balanced state instead of being sucked into a vortex. Contrary to the fear that it grants a free pass, the science shows self-compassion actually motivates: people stop wasting energy generating negative emotion and refocus on the next step. A related move, self-forgiveness for a slip already made, reduces the negative emotion attached to the task, and studies show that students who forgave themselves procrastinated less the next time.
Origin
Extracted from Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal. Sirois draws on self-compassion research and studies of self-forgiveness in procrastinating students, which showed reduced procrastination via lowered task-related negative emotion.
Core principles
- 01Shame and self-criticism increase procrastination, they do not fix it
- 02Struggling with a task is part of being human, not a character flaw
- 03Self-compassion motivates rather than excuses
- 04Forgiving a past slip lowers the negative emotion that caused it
- 05Speak to yourself the way you would to a good friend
How to run it
- 1
Catch the critical inner voice
Notice when you are saying things to yourself like 'what's wrong with me, why can't I get this done', words you would never say to a friend.
Pro tip Use the friend test: if you wouldn't say it to someone you care about, don't say it to yourself.
- 2
Normalise the struggle
Remind yourself that everyone struggles with difficult tasks and that getting it wrong at first is part of learning, not evidence of a flaw.
- 3
Hold the emotion in mindful balance
Acknowledge the negative feeling without over-identifying with it, so you are not overwhelmed and pulled into a spiral of negative emotion.
Pro tip An eight-week mindfulness course has been shown to significantly reduce procrastination by improving emotion management.
- 4
Forgive the slip already made
If you have already procrastinated, forgive yourself: you are not the first or last person to do it. Cut the drama and lower the emotional load on the task.
- 5
Refocus on the next action
With the negative emotion reduced, direct your attention to what you actually need to do next rather than to the failure.
Watch out Self-compassion is not self-indulgence; the point is to re-engage, not to keep avoiding.
In the wild
A student blows off a night of exam revision and then spirals into self-criticism, which makes the next session feel even worse. Instead they apply self-forgiveness, telling themselves the slip is human and nothing special, which drains the shame from the task. With lower negative emotion around studying, they return to it sooner than a peer who kept berating themselves.
→ Reduced negative emotion leads to measurably less procrastination on the next attempt.
Common mistakes
Confusing self-compassion with a free pass
People resist it thinking it means self-indulgence, but the research shows it motivates re-engagement rather than excusing avoidance.
Piling on more negative emotion
Being hard on yourself, or on others, when procrastinating adds guilt and shame that only deepen the avoidance.
Is it for you?
Best for
Chronic procrastinators who beat themselves up and stall further after slipping.
Not ideal for
Someone using 'self-kindness' as a permanent excuse to keep avoiding the task.
From the transcript
“self-compassion is an effective strategy”
“those who forgave themselves procrastinate less”
From the episode
Procrastination Expert: How To Get Over The Procrastination Trap - Professor Fuschia M. Sirois
Professor Fuschia M. Sirois