Values Check-In
Diagnose misalignment by scoring what matters against how you're living
- Difficulty
- Easy
- Time to result
- ~days to results
- Steps
- 5
- Confidence
- 88%
An ACT-flavoured reflection Julie Smith runs every few months and uses with clients who can't name their problem. You write out the areas of your life, family, intimate relationships, parenting, friendships, health, career, learning, creativity, and for each capture your values: not what you want to happen, but how you want to show up and what you want to contribute, in good times and bad. Then you score each value twice, once for how important it is, once for how much you've been living it lately. Reading across the page reveals disparities: a value rated highly important but lived at 2 out of 10 shows exactly where to redirect attention. Crucially it's a compass, not a stick to beat yourself with, since a gap usually means something else has simply pulled you away.
Origin
A values exercise from Dr Julie Smith's clinical toolkit and book, rooted in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Extracted from Deep Dive with Ali Abdaal.
Core principles
- 01Values are how you want to show up, not outcomes you want
- 02Dissatisfaction is often misalignment, not failure
- 03A gap between importance and lived reality is a signal, not a verdict
- 04Balance is constant re-shifting, never a fixed sweet spot
How to run it
- 1
Map your life areas
On paper, list domains such as family, intimate relationships, parenting, friendships, health, career, lifelong learning and creativity.
- 2
Write your values per area
For each, note how you want to show up and what you want to contribute, not the outcomes you want to receive.
Pro tip Frame it as attitude and contribution in good and bad times, not achievements.
- 3
Rate importance
Score how important each value is to you out of 10.
- 4
Rate lived reality
Score how much you've actually been living in line with it over the last couple of weeks, out of 10.
- 5
Act on the disparity
Where importance is high but lived reality is low, that gap needs attention. Shift focus back toward it.
Watch out Don't use the gap for self-loathing; it usually just means something else pulled you away.
In the wild
As work got busier writing the book and recording podcasts, Julie Smith felt overwhelmed. Putting it on the page, she saw 'being present as a parent' rated very important but poorly lived, because she'd spent so long locked in the office. The check-in told her to shift back toward presence and be okay with rebalancing.
→ A clear, guilt-free signal to redirect time toward family.
Smith describes clients who arrive saying nothing feels meaningful but can't explain why. A values check-in makes it clear they've been pulled away from what matters most to them by other demands, converting a fog of dissatisfaction into a specific area to address.
→ Vague unhappiness becomes a concrete, addressable misalignment.
Common mistakes
Rating outcomes instead of values
Writing what you want to happen to you, rather than how you want to show up, produces a wish list instead of a compass.
Expecting perfect balance everywhere
You can't max every area at once; the point is to notice which one to shift toward now, then rebalance later.
Is it for you?
Best for
Anyone feeling vaguely off, unfulfilled or burnt out despite life looking fine on paper.
Not ideal for
Acute crises needing immediate stabilisation rather than reflection.
From the transcript
“not what you want to happen to you but how you want to show up in the area of your life good or bad times”
“if you've rated something as really highly important to you but then you're rating for how much you're living in line with that is like…”
From the episode
Leading Psychologist: How To Finally Overcome Stress & Anxiety - Dr Julie Smith
Dr Julie Smith